I Never Wanted to Be a Mother, God Had Other Plans
I Never Wanted to Be a Mother
I never actually wanted to be a mother. I always saw myself getting financially stable, getting through my first few years of teaching, and then fostering children. For those of you who know me, in my first year of teaching I got pregnant with my son and became a mom.
I think I was always scared that I wouldn’t be a good mom. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with doctor’s appointments, and that childbirth was going to be really scary and painful.
Well, it turns out that being a mom has literally been the best time of my life. I have loved raising my son so much. The majority of the time, I’d say I’m a pretty good mom, and things have come really intuitively to me. I love being my son’s mom, and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Two Teenagers Who Aren’t Family, But Are Family
Recently, I started getting more financially stable. I had no need to borrow money from people. I was working consistently on my business, and I felt like I was moving forward in many areas of my life.
And all of a sudden, I’m faced with raising two additional teenagers who aren’t family. They’re family friends who have been in our lives since the kids were about four.
I keep fighting with God about it. I’m like, “God, no. I don’t want to do this right now. I love them. I care about them, but I’m overwhelmed. I’m underresourced. I don’t get enough time to myself as it is, and now you’re asking me to take on two additional children. I can’t do this.”
Any rational person would completely agree with me. They’d say, “You’re a single mom. You’re a teacher. You have an overwhelming job, you’re trying to build a business, and you can’t take on two additional people.”
So I’ve been wrestling with this for a while, trying to figure out how to move forward.
Why This Is Hard for Me
When the girls first moved in with us, I gave their family a deadline to figure things out and find a place. It doesn’t really seem like the steps are being made for that to happen. So we’ve been working with local agencies to try to find housing for them and figure out next steps, and there really aren’t any good options.
Our family has been a stable part of the girls’ lives for the better part of their lives. We have a stable, loving home, and I know they feel comfortable with us. But I’ve got to be honest: I’m uncomfortable. I don’t like living with people. I don’t want to share my bathroom. I really struggle with having people in my space.
And I love these girls. I think of them as family. Both of these things can be true at the same time.
The agency they’re working with came up with a plan for them to move out soon, but it’s another short-term option that doesn’t lead to more stability for them. It just leads to more upheaval.
Part of Me Doesn’t Want Them to Leave
I was sitting down with one of the girls last week, and we were talking about it, and I just started sobbing. For many reasons, a part of me really doesn’t want them to leave. I love having the family dinners and the family outings and more people in the house. It’s been really nice. It’s nice to have daughters, because I’m used to having a son, which is so fun, but a daughter is just different.
I was sobbing because I don’t want them to leave, but I also don’t want more responsibility on my plate.
Faith, Finances, and “God Will Provide”
We talked about it, and I went to church last week. The pastor was talking about putting your faith in God, and how everything that is ours is God’s first. God is in charge of our finances. It’s his money, entrusted to us, that we’re commissioned to use for the kingdom.
I Don’t Want to Put Them in a Worse Situation
When I first went into this, I said to the older daughter, “Look, money is tight in my home, but if this is what’s supposed to happen, then God will provide.” And God has. There have been people who have just randomly sent me money. I didn’t have to pay last month’s rent. I got a bonus from where I rent. These things keep coming up, where I think, “I don’t think I can do this financially,” and then I’m provided for without knowing it’s going to happen.
The other day, after we talked about it, I got really emotional. I started thinking, “I don’t want to do this.” I don’t want to put these girls into a worse situation than the one they’re already in. I want them to know that I’m their support system, the same way I’m a support system to my own son. I’m here for them.
I feel like they really need to know that someone is there for them. They have other people in their lives, too, but no one who can really take this on.
Brainstorming: How Can I Make This Work for Us?
So I started brainstorming. I feel really passionate that God has called us to care for orphans, and I wondered how I can do that when I’m an underresourced, already overwhelmed single mom.
I wrote up a list of all the areas where I feel stressed in this situation. And instead of just saying “I can’t do this,” I looked at each area of stress and asked, “How can I make this work for us?” In every area, I could find a solution.
Maybe This Isn’t Parenting, Maybe It’s Mentorship
Maybe this doesn’t look like me taking on a parenting role. Maybe it just looks like mentorship. I can still provide for my own family while also providing for the girls in the ways that I’m able to.
Maybe that looks like asking other people for help in the areas I already struggle with. Maybe it looks like me not doing it all financially and partnering with other people to help. Or maybe it looks like setting the girls up to make some of their own money, so they can provide the additional things I’m not able to.
What This Has to Do With Starting a Creative Business?
So what does this have to do with starting a creative business, and with creativity? Well, if we look past our problems and our dilemmas, there’s always a creative solution for everything.
In the past, I found that I couldn’t work on my business when my house was a mess, or when I had something coming up in my personal life, like the start of the school year. I would just shut down and not be able to move forward. And it doesn’t have to be like that. There’s always a solution.
Through this situation, I’m realizing that I can feel overwhelmed and underresourced and still want to provide a stable, loving environment for these girls, at least until there’s a better option for their own stability. Maybe their parents get back on their feet and can provide for them again. Maybe the older daughter is able to live independently and take on caring for her sister. Or maybe she doesn’t want to do that, and she gets her own place while her sister stays with us a little longer. Or eventually her sister goes back to her parents.
Don’t Shut Down at a Roadblock
I just feel like in life, when we hit a roadblock, we need to not just shut down and say, “Well, that’s it. I can’t do this, or this isn’t for me.” If you use your creativity, you can always come up with a solution or a mindset shift to handle whatever is thrown at you.
I think that’s an important lesson: things don’t have to be perfect in your life for you to be happy and to move forward in other areas.
My Challenge to You
I wanted to share this and challenge you to look at whatever roadblock or dilemma you have in your life, find a creative solution, and move forward despite it.
I’d love for you to share some of what you’re going through in the comments. I’m really good at visualizing creative solutions to our problems, so if you want to share, maybe I can offer some insight or a different mindset shift.
Read the full transcript
0:04
I never actually wanted to be a mother. I always saw myself getting financially stable, getting through my first few years of teaching, and then fostering children. And for those of you that know me, my first year of teaching, I got pregnant with my son and became a mom. I guess I was always scared that I wouldn’t be a good mom. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with doctor’s appointments, and that childbirth was going to be really scary and painful.
0:39
Well, turns out that being a mom has literally been the best time of my life. I have loved raising my son so much. The majority of the time, I would say I’m a pretty good mom, and things have come really intuitively to me. I love being my son’s mom, and it’s just the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
1:01
Well, recently I started getting more financially stable. I have no need to borrow money from people. I’ve been working consistently on my business, and I just feel like I’m moving forward in many areas of my life. And all of a sudden, I am faced with raising two additional teenagers that are not family. They are family friends. And they have been in our lives since the kids were probably four.
1:26
And I keep fighting with God about it. I’m like, God, no. I don’t want to do this right now. I love them. I care about them, but I’m overwhelmed. I’m underresourced. I don’t get enough time to myself as it is, and now you’re asking me to take on two additional children. I can’t do this. I’m not doing this. And any rational person would completely agree with me. They’d be like, you are a single mom. You’re a teacher. You have an overwhelming job and you’re trying to build a business, and you can’t take on two additional people.
2:00
So, I have been wrestling with this for a while and just trying to figure out how to move forward. When the girls first moved in with us, I gave their family a deadline to figure things out and get a place. It doesn’t really seem like the steps are being made for that to happen. So, we’ve been working with local agencies trying to get housing for them and trying to figure out next steps for the girls, and there really aren’t any good options.
2:45
I would say that our family has been a stable part of the girls’ lives for the better part of their lives, and we have a stable, loving home, and I know that they feel comfortable with us. But I’ve got to be honest, I’m uncomfortable. I don’t like living with people. I don’t want to share my bathroom. I really struggle with having people in my space. And I love these girls, and I think of them as family. And these things can both be true at the same time.
3:21
So the agency that they’re working with came up with a plan for the girls to move out soon. However, the plan is another short-term option that doesn’t lead to more stability for them. It just leads to more upheaval.
3:38
And you know, I was sitting down with one of the girls last week at some point, and we were talking about it, and I just started sobbing, because for many reasons, a part of me really doesn’t want them to leave. Like, I love having the family dinners and the family outings and more people in the house, and it’s been really nice. It’s nice to have daughters, because I’m used to having a son, which is so fun, but a daughter is just different, you know? And I just started sobbing, because it’s like, I don’t want them to leave, but I also don’t want more responsibility on my plate.
4:19
And you know, we talked about it, and I went to church last week, and the pastor was talking about putting your faith in God, and everything that is ours is God’s first, and God is in charge of our finances. That is his money that he has entrusted to us, that we are then commissioned to use for the kingdom. And when I first went into this, I had said to the older daughter, “Look, money is tight in my home, but if this is what’s supposed to happen, then God will provide.” And God has. I mean, there have been people that have just randomly sent me money. I didn’t have to pay last month’s rent. I got this bonus from where I rent from. All these things keep coming up where it’s like, I don’t think I can do this financially, and then I’ll be provided for without knowing it’s going to happen.
5:20
The other day after we talked about it, I just got really emotional. I started thinking, I don’t want to do this. Like, I don’t want to put these girls into a worse situation than they’re already in. And I want them to know that I am their support system, the same way I’m a support system to my own son. I’m here for them. And I feel like they really need to know that someone is really there for them. And they have other people in their lives, too, but no one that can really take this on.
5:52
So I started brainstorming. I feel really passionate that God has called us to care for our orphans, and I wondered, how can I do that when I’m an underresourced, already overwhelmed single mom? So I wrote up this thing the other day and detailed all the areas where I feel stressed in this situation. And instead of just saying “I can’t do this,” I looked at each area of stress and I said, well, how can I make this work for us? And in every area I could find a solution.
6:25
And maybe this doesn’t look like me taking on a parenting role. Maybe this just looks like a mentorship. And I still am able to provide for my own family unit while also providing for the girls in the way that I’m able to. So maybe that looks like asking other people for help with the areas that I struggle with already. Maybe this looks like me not doing it all financially and partnering with other people to help me. Or trying to set the girls up to be able to make some of their own money, to be able to provide additional things that I’m not able to.
7:05
What does this have to do with starting a creative business and creativity? Well, if we look past our problems and our dilemmas, there’s always a creative solution for everything. In the past, I found that I can’t work on my business when my house is a mess, or I have something coming up in my personal life, like the start of the school year, and then I just shut down and I just can’t move forward. And it doesn’t have to be like that. There’s always a solution for everything.
7:31
And through this situation, I’m realizing that I can feel overwhelmed and underresourced and still want to provide a stable, loving environment for these girls, at least until there’s a better option for their own stability. Whether that means their parents get back on their feet and can provide for them again, or maybe the older daughter can live independently and take on caring for her sister. Or maybe she doesn’t want to do that and she gets her own place and her sister stays with us for a little bit longer, or eventually her sister goes back to her parents.
8:18
I just feel like in life, when we hit a roadblock, we need to not just shut down and be like, “Well, that’s it. I can’t do this or this isn’t for me.” If you use your creativity, you can always come up with a solution or a mindset shift just to be able to handle whatever is thrown at you. And I just think that’s an important lesson: things don’t have to be perfect in your life for you to be happy and be able to move forward in other areas.
8:56
I just wanted to share this and kind of challenge you to look at whatever roadblock or dilemma you have in your life and find a creative solution and move forward despite it. I would love you to share some of the things that you’re going through in the comments. And I’m really good at visualizing creative solutions to our problems, so if you want to share, maybe I can offer some insight or a different mindset shift. I hope you’re having a wonderful Sunday afternoon, and I will see you in the next video. I’ve been working on decorating and unpacking my art studio and I’ve been filming it, so I’m really excited to share that. But I just wanted to share my thoughts today, and I will see you in the next video. Goodbye.